Wednesday, March 31, 2004
I Don't Wanna Go ... again
So I recently blogged about this song's significance concerning my current personal journey. In this post I wrote about how special the words were to me and how much meaning they had in this present condition....
Well, tonight in service I had ANOTHER god-encounter. Last week's Wednesday evening service threw me for a phsychological loop when an important song from my past (SCC's 'His Strength Is Perfect') was the musical praise selection.
Tonight, the song was none other than Avalon's "I Don't Wanna Go". What is God trying to tell me?!?!?!
posted by Kevin at 3/31/2004 12:10:42 PM
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ginkworld.net - where it all starts
ginkworld.net - where it all starts :: Found this website... and while the jury is still out, I am pretty impressed with it. It says of itself... "The radical heart of a generation searching"
Check it out.
Link
posted by Kevin at 3/31/2004 11:37:48 AM
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Monday, March 29, 2004
Willie B
While I typically do not write detailed information about my life, or the things that pass in and out of it, I am making an exception here in order to tell you about a church I visited this weekend.
Firewheel Church meets in an older high school facility in Garland. I had decided to visit there this weekend due to my current status as a 'church hopper' and the fact that I had been impressed with the information I found about them on their website. As luck (or providence) would have it I was running late and showed up about 12 minutes into the service. There were fewer cars in the lot than I had expected, but there seemed to be no shortage of people around.
In an attempt to see how they would treat someone not in a suit and tie, I had worn cargo pants and a polo shirt. I was immediately put in my 'place' when I was greeted at the door by a smiling middle-aged man in shorts and what I like to call a "Magnum P.I." shirt. His spiked pepper-hair made me smile and put me at ease immediately. He shook my hand and opened the door for me. I was immediately greeted again (another handshake) and was given a nice colorful bulletin. He pointed me to the entrance of the auditorium where another man shook my hand and opened the door for me (that made three). I quickly made my way down the aisle (to be greeted halfway by an usher and a handshake, #4) and found myself on the third row, extreme house left, near the projection screen. I wanted to sit close enough to be able to see facial expressions and not be distracted by other congregants.
Everything went pretty much as I expected. They sang one of my new favorite songs (Wondrous Cross) and several other selections that I knew quite well. There was a praise team, small choir, and band on the stage. Due to the limited amount of space, things were pretty crammed. Though it made for a nice cozy atmosphere. Then, about 30 minutes into the service the Pastor got up to speak. He was in khaki pants and a nice polo, so I again felt at ease in this place.
He wore a handsfree mic that was wired to his ear (a la Garth Brooks), and it's name currently escapes me. He used no pulpit or stand, but only had a Bible and stool. In fact, he did not even have notes which REALLY impressed me. Having given my own share of sermons in the past, I understand how much preparation it takes to accomplish this. He was calm, laid back, soft spoken, and had a generally pleasing voice. He spoke of the last 'mission' of a purpose-driven life... many churches are currently wrapping up 40 Days of Purpose. It wasn't a spectacular sermon, but it was a good one. I expect that this congregation is fed very well from this man.
The pastor spoke for about 30 minutes, and wrapped up with a prayer. The offering was taken and I placed in the bucket a dollar and my visitor card. I always try and put in at least a dollar every time a plate is passed in front of me. I learned this from my grandfather and always respected him for it. It just says something. I HATE filling out those visitor cards because I KNOW that the church is going to harass me, and being an introvert it typically annoys me a little. :) But I always do it anyway because I like to see how they contact their visitors, how long it takes, and what the pitch is. Its the minister in me that makes this such an intriguing prospect.
And then the service was over. I left as quickly as I could, and skipped greeting the pastor(s) after the service in hopes of getting back to the house quickly to decompress. This was my first weekend of church shopping in almost 4 years and I had forgotten how much I hated it. It is lonely and I always feel like a foreigner in a strange land. This day I was feeling especially disconnected and depressed due to not being able to attend what I consider my home church.
So I went home... listening to my home church's radio-feed as I drove the 25 miles back across the upper Dallas corridor.
After getting there I changed, made lunch, and sat down to watch FoxNews for awhile. No sooner had I gotten settled into the couch than the doorbell rang. I opened it to find a man standing there with a smile and a bag in his hand that said Firewheel Church! He thanked me for attending services that morning and said the church hoped I enjoyed myself and wanted to give me a little gift bag and a note from the Pastor to show their love for me. He asked about my situation and how in the world I had found their congregation so far from my own home. I told him of my status and he prayed for me on the doorstep of my home. And soon as he came he (and his wife in the car) were gone.
I kinda sat in shock for a few minutes. I had never experienced such a thing before in my life. This couple had taken time out of their day (after a morning of church services and Bible studies) to drive halfway across the metroplex to give me a gift bag in thanks for visiting their church that morning. WOW! I was both humbled and impressed.
So now I have some Willie B's Texas Tortilla Chips and Salsa to enjoy, all thanks to a congregation that really seems to have the right idea. THAT is exactly what a local church should be!!!
posted by Kevin at 3/29/2004 03:46:42 PM
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Saturday, March 27, 2004
perfect Strength
He could not have known the significance of his choice when he chose it. There was no way to have known the backstory when he sung it. But as I sat quietly in my pew (2 rows from the back floor aisle, piano side) among several thousand congregants, I knew that it had been chosen just for me.
In the summer of 2000 I set out from the crossroads of America (Indiana) to follow a dream, attending Seminary and living in Texas. I found myself in Dallas, alone, and in the middle of the worst heatwave/drought in years. I emptied my U-Haul into a second story one-bedroom cracker box in 114-degree sunshine. Alone.
Those first few months were difficult, to say the least. I had limited funds, no friends, and little prospect of finding a job... until AMS called. It seemed like a perfect fit! A video production house that was designed like Disneyland, what could be more exciting? So I accepted the position as a second shift tape operator and hit the ground running. But the excitement was to be short-lived.
Something wasn't right. I couldn't put my finger on what it was, but my spirit had no peace. At first I tried to ignore it. But the discontent would not go away. It began to get progressively worse. I knew in my heart what I needed to do. Quit. But none of it made sense. Why would God open up such a seemingly perfect position at a place that any video nerd like me would kill to work at, and then impress upon my heart to quit!?! I mean, I had PRAYED about this! And my bosses knew I was a Christian. They had been hesitant to hire me because they thought I might be one of those people who wore their Christianity on their sleeve, so to say... one of those onward Christian soldier types that would just as soon beat your head in with a King James than to look at you. What would they think of my faith now? And WHY would God want to quit without having another job!?!?!?! I am in Seminary, trying to serve Him with my mind. But I still had to eat... and this was a paying gig. Unemployment, I have found, does not pay well.
For weeks I struggled with what to do. It haunted my every waking moment. The stress and tension mounted as I tried to ignore what God wanted me to do. But eventually I couldn't take it anymore, and I broke. In the middle of a hot Dallas night, I broke. At 2am with no friends, no job waiting, and no good explanation as to why I was going to quit my job, I broke. "Here am I Lord, use me" I surrendered. And then I noticed the music . . .
Music? At 2 am in an apartment complex? Not uncommon. But I RECOGNIZED this song! And I lay there I began to identify with the words of the song I heard muffled from an unknown apartment neighbor. "His strength is perfect when our strength is gone. He'll carry us when we can't carry on. Raised in His power the weak become strong. His strength is perfect."
And then the tears came.
As quickly as I had been transported back to that time in my past, I was brought back to my sanctuary seat in this the last service I would attend as a staff member in the church... and I could not believe my ears. Was this divine providence or mere coincidence? "I can do all things, through Christ who gives me strength. But sometime I wonder what He can do through me. No great success to show, no glory on my own, yet in my weakness He is there to let me know, His strength is perfect when our strength is gone..."
The soloist could not have known the significance that this song had in my life. He could not have understood that over 3 years ago it had been irreversibly tied to a time in my life when I abandoned all and agreed to follow God no matter the cost. Never could he have imagined that I was at that point in my life again, and needed to hear that song again. He couldn't not have known.
But God did. And that makes all the difference in the world.
posted by Kevin at 3/27/2004 04:39:36 PM
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Friday, March 26, 2004
It is finished... and this chapter of my life is complete.
posted by Kevin at 3/26/2004 05:20:54 PM
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Friday, March 19, 2004
this present Darkness
I remember a professor telling me long ago that following God sometimes means following Him in the dark. He began by reminding us that Psalm 119:105 says the Lord will be a lamp showing our feet where to go and a light illuminating the correct path to get there. But then the prof pulled the ole' bait and switch on us.
God never promised to be a quartz floodlight or halogen headlamp for our journey, he continued. God rarely if ever shows us the next five steps of the journey... mostly He only shows us the next step, and sometimes that one doesn't even come as quickly as we would like.
I'd never thought of the passage --or God's will for that matter--in this way. But it makes complete sense.
It's where the rubber meets the road in the Christian life. It's here where we find out whether or not we truly have a faith that is strong or if we've been trusting in ourselves all along.
"It was by faith Abraham obeyed God's call to go to another place God promised to give him. He left . . . not knowing where he was going" Hebrews 11:8, NCV. Following God sometimes means that we will be following without a roadmap. When Abraham set out for Ur of Chaldea he had no idea where God was leading him, he simply knew that God had said go... so he went.
The life of faith is a life of risk sometimes requiring us to step out into the unknown with nothing more solid before us than God's command. This philosophy goes against the grain of both our human nature and the conventional wisdom of the world.
Don't be afraid of the darkness that sometimes surrounds the will of God... it is here where He sometimes does His greatest work.
posted by Kevin at 3/19/2004 11:15:04 PM
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Friday, March 12, 2004
I Don't Wanna Go
My best friend Michael will understand what I mean here, but it seems that my life is simply a series of theme songs. Once, it was "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor. Another time it was "For Such a Time as This" by Wayne Watson. There was even TubThumping, Why'd Ya Come in Here Lookin' Like That, and many others.
After a long sabbatical without a song, a new one presented itself this week. I heard it on the radio and it just fit! There is no more powerful moment than when a song connects on a deeper level with our psyche.
The Christian group Avalon recorded the song "I Don't Wanna Go" several years ago. As I listened to the words I was reminded that no matter the call, no matter the pain, no matter the price I must follow Him. This is the task assigned to those whom would dare to heed His call. I am generally not one to print lyrics on my website, but I can't resist. (I've also posted a link to a clip of the song)
Where the road leads I do not know... but if it is not headed to where Christ is, I don't wanna go.
You changed my world,
When you came to me,
You drove a passion,
In my soul down deep.
Lord, to follow you in everything,
CHORUS:
I don't want to go somewhere,
If I know that your not there,
Cause I know that me without you,
Is a lie.
I don't want to walk that road,
Be a million miles from home,
Cause my heart needs to be,
Where you are,
So I don't want to go.
So come whatever,
I'll stick with you,
I'll walk, you lead me,
Call me crazy or a fool.
For forever I promise you that:
(Chorus)
Without your touch,
Without your love,
Filling me like an ocean,
For your grace is enough,
Enough for me,
To never want to go somewhere,
If I know that your not there.
Listen to a clip
When you came to me,
You drove a passion,
In my soul down deep.
Lord, to follow you in everything,
CHORUS:
I don't want to go somewhere,
If I know that your not there,
Cause I know that me without you,
Is a lie.
I don't want to walk that road,
Be a million miles from home,
Cause my heart needs to be,
Where you are,
So I don't want to go.
So come whatever,
I'll stick with you,
I'll walk, you lead me,
Call me crazy or a fool.
For forever I promise you that:
(Chorus)
Without your touch,
Without your love,
Filling me like an ocean,
For your grace is enough,
Enough for me,
To never want to go somewhere,
If I know that your not there.
posted by Kevin at 3/12/2004 12:35:57 AM
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Wednesday, March 10, 2004
"At some time prior to entering public ministry, most of us had a confrontation with God. We dealt with self and pride. If we were serious about our faith, we made Jesus our Lord and entered a servant-Master relationship. From that point on, it doesn’t matter where we’re located geographically. What others think is not important. Personal comfort is secondary. Prestige and large crowds are not determining factors. Loyalty and obedience are. Doing God’s will is all that matters.
"'The sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice' (John 10:3–4).
"This is what determines the time to move. His voice. His will."
Quoted from: Robbins, Paul D. Vol. 4, When It's Time to Move : A Guide to Changing Churches. The Leadership library. Carol Stream, Ill.; Waco, Tex.: Christianity Today, Inc.; Word Books, 1985.
posted by Kevin at 3/10/2004 11:10:50 PM
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Friday, March 05, 2004
the Day it all Changed
Today was an anniversary, and only one person remembered (except for myself). And though I have never met the kid (and have no earthly idea how/why he remembered) I will give him kudos anyway. Thanks Spatula.
One year ago today I received a title: Reverend.
It was an evening that I will never forget. One of the highlights of my life. Little then did I know the ride that I was in for. Do all ministers go through what I have? The inward struggles... only matched and surpassed by the outward battles.
I can't begin to explain what the Lord has brought me though thus far, and only in one year. What of the next year? or five? or fifty? There were days when I wanted to set aside my ordination... and days when I couldn't imagine ever doing anything else with my life. You see, I am not a super-Christian or holier than the next person. I am simply set apart. And my struggles do not define me, they simply humanize me. Even Paul struggled... so I guess that I am in good company. :)
Difficulties aside. I have noticed an odd thing happening to me over the last year: I'm growing up. Maybe not in my own level of maturity :) but definitely in my own desire to use my gifts. And this is what I find myself thinking of on this memorable evening in my life... am I following God's plan for my life, or my own--or even worse yet, somebody else's?
I thank God for the call that He placed on my life. I thank Him that He has given me a hope and a future (though He currently seems to be keeping that plan close-at-chest). I thank Him for giving me the gifts that He has, and pray that He will continue to nurture those in my life and give me opportunity to use them as an expression of love and servanthood to Him.
Now, one year after the fact, I find the Lord giving me a renewed passion for ministry. What exactly that means, and where precisely that leads, I cannot know. But the real adventure is definitely ahead.
posted by Kevin at 3/05/2004 11:57:53 PM
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Thursday, March 04, 2004
allegory of a Storm
I should have known it was coming... there were warnings, plain and simple.
Had I been concerned or worried about its arrival I might have been looking for the signs. But I wasn't concerned, and really had no need to be. I had faith.
So I slept.
I slept while the sunlight was obscured by the clouds and the calmness was broken by the thrusts of the wind. By the time I was aware of the impending storm it was too late to run. It was, in fact, nearly upon me.
But there was no need for fear. I was sheltered.
Upon raising from slumber I lazily made my way from the bed to the living room in order to tune in to the weather experts and hear their side of the story. They spoke of squalls, showers and shears; their charts telling of pending danger and need for shelter.
I already had mine.
And then it arrived....
Darkness fell. Winds surged. Rain engulfed. Yet I was safe ... and dry ... and protected.
For all it could do, it could not phase me. For all it could be, it could hurt me. For all it was, it could not affect me. I faced its fury with as much calmness as I had faced its foretold arrival.
I had planned ahead long ago--made preparation for just such a day. There was a roof over my head, a garage in which to park my car, and provisions for electricity, food, and water. All this and more for just such a day.
The storm held no power over me. Its raging only proved that I had been wise to prepare for such a day.
I was, in fact, sheltered in the time of storm.
posted by Kevin at 3/04/2004 11:35:17 PM
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Monday, March 01, 2004
Supreme Court decides religious education case
Last week, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that states can exclude students preparing for the ministry from state-sponsored college-scholarship programs. The ruling [Locke vs. Davey]was released on Ash Wednesday, the same day Mel Gibson's new movie, "The Passion of the Christ," opened in theaters nationwide.
In his dissenting opinion, Antonin Scalia, joined by Clarence Thomas, argued that the high court was authorizing antireligious discrimination. Scalia wrote that the court's action reflected "a trendy disdain for deep religious conviction."
The justices are exactly right: There is a trendy disdain for religion today.
posted by Kevin at 3/01/2004 05:56:33 PM
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